Putting the new kitchen to work

Well, one of the silver linings to last years' suckiness was our kitchen remodel. The silver lining part is that I got a new kitchen and our home owner's insurance paid for the bulk of it. The suckiness was that we found out our deductible went up to $1000 without warning, our payments have now gone up because of the claim, and we didn't have a kitchen for two months. So, we ate out. Most every meal. It was expensive and unhealthy. Mike and I stayed on our healthy eating plan as much as possible, but it was still unhealthy.

We love to eat out, don't get me wrong. When it's the two of us. We do not love eating out with a moody adolescent, an active toddler, and a VERY busy baby. So, we're done with that. Our New Year's Resolution is to cut out fast food completely and cut other dining out to very special occassions.

So, we have to cook. Daily. We don't mind. We love to cook. But, we often find that we didn't get the right ingredients in the store, don't have this or that, make a quick run to the very overpriced grocery in our little town and spend $50 on randomness and blow our grocery budget. I am trying so hard to be more organized, so I came up with what I think is a good idea. It's probably been done before, but I haven't seen it anywhere, so maybe it's original :) I doubt it, though.

It's meal cards. Basically, I made a list of all the meals we enjoy. Then, I printed one side of an index card (those will go through most printers, who knew? My husband did, that's who) with the name of the meal. Then, on the back side, I printed all of the ingredients needed, in list form. Then, when I'm meal planning, I just choose the cards I want, flip them over, and can make my list right then and there. Some of the cards are just a main dish, like roasted chicken. Those are meals that we eat veggies with and I ALWAYS have a freezer full of veggies, so I didn't add those on there.

Pretty cool, huh? I'll let you know how it goes ;)

I'll upload a pic later, blogger won't let me right now. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, I put a picture there.

It was the WORST year EVER!

Does anyone out there own up to watching Spongebob? If so, you are familiar with Spongebob's song "Best Day Ever". Well, sing "It was the worst year ever" to that tune and you have this post summed up.

There's not a lot good I can say about 2012. My kids were all healthy and happy. That's always my number one priority, so that was one good thing. Otherwise. EHH! It just wasn't a good year. Life was hard. Marriage was hard. Friendships were hard. Church was hard. Raising kids was hard. Poor decisions were made and the obvious consequences were reaped. Though we escaped 2012 relatively unscathed, I will never have much affection for that year. I entered 2013 with a new perspective on life. I also entered 2013 with a lot fewer friends and a lot more emotional baggage. Life is forever going to be different, because of some of the knowledge gleaned in 2012. I'm not trying to be vague or fish for sympathy. There is not one MAJOR thing that jumps off the calendar pages, just a lot of things, little things, medium things, big things, all conspiring together to make the year suck.

So, 2013, give me your best shot! 2011 was a dismal year (except for the birth of Matt), 2012 was a holy terror of a year (save a few bright spots), so 2013, please be better. I've just got this one life and so far, 2 out of the 34 years of it have not been worth the effort. I'm hoping, praying, wishing, and believing 2013 is the year it all gets better!

Maybe I'll blog, maybe I won't. If so, see you then!

P.S. According to blogger, this blog gets visited every single day. Random. So, if you're that visitor, leave me a comment :) You don't have to out yourself, just an anonymous "hi, I'm not a serial killer" would be nice!

My friend, Manda

I am returning to the blogging world for a quick post about my friend, Manda, for Kelly's Korner's Show Us Your Singles.

(I have exactly one picture of Manda where she's not being silly. Oh, and I have some pictures of us from camp when we were 9 & 10. But, I don't want to die, so I won't post those)

Manda is amazing. She really is. I have know here since I was 3 and she was 2. Her sister and I are the same age and we've all grown up like sisters. She is truly one of my favorite people and will hopefully continue to love me even when she sees this :)

First of all, the physical stuff. Manda is beautiful. She comes from a family of beautiful people. At Christmas, there's just a sea of beautiful people wandering around admiring each other's beauty at their house. Oh, I kid, they're modest about it. But, she truly is beautiful. This is not one of those "oh, she has a beautiful soul and her face is ummm...okay". She has a beautiful soul and face. She is 33, but doesn't look it. Not that 33 is old, but she looks 25 at the oldest. I try not to hate her for this. It's a daily struggle.

Manda loves adventure. She loves traveling, trying new things, new restaurants, new cities, you name it, she's up for  it. She's no shrinking violet. If she decides she wants to do somethings, she does it. And she does it well.

She is hilarious. There are not many people on this earth that can make me laugh as much as she does. When she comes into town for the occasional girls' night with me & her sister, I'm as excited as a 16 year old on her first date, because I know I will have a great time! She lives in Nashville, TN. Which also makes me jealous, because I want to live in Nashville. Manda is pretty much my hero. Or, I'm her stalker. Eh, potato, po-tah-toe.

Manda is an extremely hard worker. She has her MBA from Union University (one of the top 100 private universities in the country...I'm just saying that because I attended Union too and bragging about it makes me feel better about the asinine amount of money I spent on an education...but I digress). She is really smart. She can carry on a conversation about anything. My husband LOVES Manda, he loves talking to her about politics, current events, The Office, anything.

By day, she's a Senior Healthcare Analyst. I have no idea what that is, so you would have to ask her if you want more details. I know that she's important at work and goes to lots of meetings :)

Manda is very honest, giving, moral, has an extremely high work ethic, and is just an all around winner. She is one of the most honest people I know. If I want an honest opinion, I ask her. And she will tell me the truth, but in a nice way, so that I don't feel bad :)

She has lots of nieces and nephews that she enjoys spending time with and spoiling and they WORSHIP her. Kids love her, because she treats them like people. My daughter always loved hanging out with Manda when we lived in the same town, because Manda was one of the adults that treated her like an equal. She will be an amazing mother one day, but don't panic, she's not one of those "OMG, my biological clock is TICKING, let's discuss baby names over dessert" kind of first dates.

So, that's my beautiful, smart, funny, all around awesome friend Manda. If you're interested, leave a comment or email me.

Blogging Hiatus Over!

Wow, it's been almost a year since my last blog entry! What a year it's been. We've adjusted to being a family of five, we've had some ups and downs, and the kids have grown like you wouldn't believe! Matt is going to be the runt of the litter, I believe. He turned 1 on May 27th and weighs about 20 lbs. He is still wearing some 6-9 month clothes and is just a little peanut. Phillip finally hit the 40 lbs mark and it wearing size 4T clothes. He is tall and thin. Olivia is now 5'5 (at 11!!) and weighs a whooping 105 lbs, so she's obviously tall and thin too :)

My whole world! Look how much Phil looks like his Daddy. And Matt looks just like Olivia!

Speaking of thin, Mike and I are well on our way to being thin, FINALLY! I started on a new healthy lifestyle in January of this year and I have now lost 65 lbs and 50" of FAT! I've gone from a size 24 to a size 14/16. I still have 50-60 more lbs to lose, but I feel great! Mike started in March and has lost 55 lbs (MEN!!) and more inches that I can keep up with. He is BUFF! He has been working out an hour every day and looks amazing! He's gone for a 42/44 waist pant to a 34/36 and from an XXL shirt to a M. It's amazing!

I need to update this picture, as I have lost more since then, but I like this one :)

We feel so much better. We have energy and stamina, it's like a whole new couple! Doing this together has been so helpful. Together, we've lost 120 lbs! Mike only wants to lost 25 more and I believe by the end of the summer he will be at his goal. I plan to be to my goal (size 6/8) by December. I'm trying to slow down my weight loss a little, as I don't want to have tons of lose skin to deal with.

One more....

We're losing weight with the help of Advocare and one of the products that I take is Catalyst, which helps pull in the skin. So far, it's worked like a charm. I've lost 9" off my waist and I really expected a saggy, loose belly (like it is after you have a baby), but everything is firming up nicely. Hopefully, it will continue that way.

The pictures on the right are from this past Christmas, we were miserably FAT, the one on the left is from date night in May. Mike has lost quite a bit since then.

We have some exciting plans this summer. Olivia leaves for Youth Camp on Sunday. She will be gone 4 days. It's the highlight of her year (as it was for me when I was young). I'm excited for her, she will make memories that last a lifetime. After camp, Olivia and I are headed to NYC with my Uncle Phillip (yes, my Phillip is his namesake). Uncle Phillip is taking us on a neice's trip and I am so excited!! We are going to have a blast. Then, after that, Mike and I are headed to Dallas for an Advocare Success School and a mini vacation. We love getting away together and I've never  been to Dallas, so I'm super excited. The grandparents will be dividing and conquering the grandchildren :) Thank GOD for grandparents!!!

Then, come August 1, Olivia starts the 7th grade! Where in the world did the time go? I'm amazed! She grown into a very sweet, tenderhearted, smart young lady. And, in my opinion, she's a beauty! She has the whole package. We've tentatively decided to hold Phillip back and have him start kindergarten when he's 5 almost 6, instead of 4 almost 5, so it will be a couple of more years until I have another in school. By the time Matt starts school, I'll have an 11th grader, 2nd grader, and kindergartener. How funny is that?

Well, that's the update on the Bells. Life is so good, we are so blessed, and looking forward to the last half of 2012.

First, do no harm

First, do no harm is part of the hypocratic oath that all physicians must take. Personally, I think it would be better as part of the mothers oath that all mothers should take. Isn't it amazing that you have to do more paperwork to adopt a pet than to birth a baby? But, that's a post for another day.

Anyway, my goal is to do no harm to my children. I want to help them thrive physically, mentally, and spiritually. Anytime that I feel like I have harmed my child in any way, I feel terrible. Usually, it's a psycological harm I worry about. Was I too harsh with them, did I raise my voice needlessly, was my frustration taken out on them?  But, I try very, very hard to do all I can to keep their minds, bodies, and souls safe. So, imagine my horror this weekend, when the one piece of equipment that is supposed to keep him safe, hurt my little Phillip.

Just to back up a minute, I am a safety freak. You would think after three kids, I would have loosened up a little, but I haven't. We NEVER go without a carseat. There are no quick trips with a little one sitting in the seat. Olivia was almost 9 when she moved out of the booster seat into the regular seat. Phillip (and Matt) will be in a five point harness until it no longer fits. I research EVERYTHING and stay on top of recalls like a hawk. So, when I bought Phillip's carseat, I was sure it was the one for us. It had safety ratings higher than Britax, it was rated to 100 lbs, had the side impact wings, everything.

Anyway, Sunday, after church, I put the kids in the van to head home. Phillip was talking to Mom, so I started the car, cranked the air way up, put Matt's seat into it's base, Olivia got in her seat, and I buckled P in last. As I got in, he started screaming "Turn the hot off". I assumed he meant the car was hot and told him to chill, it would cool down in a minute. He then started screaming, "It's burning me, it's burning me". I told him he would be fine, and he stopped crying a couple of minutes later. He had missed his nap and I chalked the drama up to being over tired. He is not a crier at all.

We get home, eat some lunch, he and Mike wrestle a while and Olivia points out that he has red marks on his back. I don't look at them, I just tell her they are from him wrestling with Mike. Phillip is VERY fair and the least amount of pressure leaves a red mark on his skin for a few minutes.

Fast forward to bath time. Mike bathes Phillip and they spend about 30 minutes playing and learning (since March he's learned his ABCs, numbers to 30, and numbers to 10 in Spanish during bath time). Right after Mike puts him in the tub, he yells for me to come in there RIGHT NOW! I can hear Phillip crying. I run in there and he points to these three huge red blisters on Phil's back. I asked Phillip what they were (although I already sickeningly realized what they were), and he replied "It's where my carseat burned me, I told you that". My poor baby! The water was making them hurt again. The safety warning label (oh, the irony) on the backrest part of his carseat had gotten so hot that it blistered his skin. I noticed when I was putting him in that his shirt was getting too short and it hiked up in the back but thought NOTHING OF IT!

His poor little back

Oh, the guilt! I cannot believe this happened. We put burn cream on him and now, two days later, they are much better. He says they don't hurt anymore. I told our pediatrician about them and he couldn't believe it. I am always so careful about not letting the metal buckles touch his legs, but I never thought about the nylon tag.

So, I am emailing the company and asking for something to cover the tag or a refund on my carseat. I don't expect anything else, but I do think it's the least they could do. I am also going to ask that they recall that model. I mean, at least 1/4 of the year is hot, carseats are going to get hot. I try to keep them shaded and precool the car when I can, but it's not always practical.

The offending carseat, Safety 1st Alpha Omega Elite

So, I have learned two lessons. First of all, don't assume your safety equipment is safe. Second, listen to your kids. Don't assume you know what they are talking about. If I had asked Phillip a couple of questions, I could have figured out what he was talking about. Granted, he would have already been burnt, but I could have treated them sooner. The thought that he soldiered through the discomfort all afternoon long, because I told him it was fine, breaks my heart. Go check your carseats people!

Taking it all for granted

Confession: I tend to take my picturesque, wonderful life for granted. Growing up, I always assumed I would grow up, go to college, meet my soul mate, get married, have a few kids, live in a pretty brick house and live happily ever after. So, it was no surprise to me when I did. After all, it was all in my master plan. Granted, the children did not come in the order/timeframe I expected, but they still came, beautiful, perfect little beings that I pictured in my mind when I was a little girl. Well, I didn't picture that one of them would be red headed, that was a surprise to everyone!

A Sunday morning photo attempt

I get up every morning to this sweet little life and think nothing of it. Because I take it for granted, I sometimes neglect it. Sometimes, I act a little spoiled, I don't take care of things like I should, I snap at little children for acting like (gasp) children, I waste things because I can always buy another (*disclaimer: nothing major is wasted, we are not wealthy people who are burning blocks of money for warmth or anything, just little stuff).

Another Sunday morning photo attempt

My husband, on the other hand, had given up on having any of this. When I met him, he was a successful restaurant manager, who changed jobs every couple of years, always for a little more money, a little better hours, something. He moved from apartment to apartment, city to city, not laying down roots and living a very lonely life. He was 32 and had given up on having a wife, kids, the dogs, the house, the whole thing. So, he is incredibly grateful for everything. He sees the magic in the every day mundane, he delights in the antics of our children, he truly cherishes everything we have and do.

I give up, I will photograph them all together when they are adults!

These days, I'm trying to see the world as he does. I try to look at my little people (especially the oldest) and try to imagine what it would have been like to think that I would never have them. I try to take better care of what we have, as if it is a treasured possession, not something I can easily replace.

I am trying to not take any of this charmed gift of a life that God has given me for granted. So far, it's making me a much happier person!

In regards to my lifelong aspiration to do everything perfectly...

Motherhood is not something that came naturally to me. Motherhood was not something that was on my mind in that season of my life. I was planning a wedding (don't judge, it happens to the best of us), finishing up college, and mapping out the rest of my life. Then BOOM, I was a mama. A non eventful pregnancy turned into a very eventful birth, a hellish few days, and then Mike and I were at home, ALONE, with a baby. I was uber confident my entire pregnancy that I would be a great mother, a natural. I am one of those people that learns quickly, excels at most things I try, how hard could it be? Mike was worried the entire pregnancy that he would suck at it. He was 36, had never so much as held a baby, what would he do?

Guess which one of us was the natural? Mike, of course. It was like the book "Are You My Mother?" and Olivia picked him. I was a drugged up, worn out, miserable person for the first few weeks of her life. I had a severe reaction to one of my pain meds, but didn't know it was a reaction, so I was sick as a dog, thinking it was normal. It is literally a fog, I remember very little. I tried and tried to nurse Olivia, but she would have nothing of it. I cried and cried, she cried and cried, and Mike kept us alive and sane. I would stuggle with her for hours, trying to get her to nurse, trying to pump, tearfully talking on the phone to the La Leche people, to no avail. Then Mike would feed her a bottle, while I sat in the corner, watched TV, and cried. It was a happy time :) But, in my mind, the perfect mother nursed her baby, she put her to sleep in her own bed, she sang lullabys and never got tired. Dang it, I was going to be the perfect mother. At Olivia's one month appointment, our sweet doctor told me that she thought Olivia was lactose intolerant. We switched to soy formula and I made the hard decision to stop nursing altogether. I was devastated, but she wasn't really getting much from me and it was exhausting. She was up from 12 a.m-8 a.m every night/day. I was at my wit's end. So, I started giving her formula exclusively, I put her in the bed with us, and started singing songs I liked. You know what? She was a new baby! She was happy, healthy, and finally seemed to like her mama!

Fast forward eight years. I have a new baby, and quite frankly it feels like being a first time mama again. I have forgotten so much about babies and this baby is completely different. All he wants to do is sleep. He has jaundice and it takes a few days to get him better. My milk takes forever to come in, so we have to supplement with formula. Once my milk is in, I stop the formula and I'm determined to be "perfect" this time. Well, he nearly starves to death and sleeps all the time. I'm not making enough milk for the little guy! So...it's a repeat of last time, I nurse, Mike bottle feeds, I mope. Finally, I throw in the towel. I also don't make him sleep in his bed either, he sleeps with us and is happy as a clam. He's a healthy, happy baby.

Now, here comes Matt. I told Mike it would work this time or I would die trying. However, when I was pregnant, I found out that the stupid, awful, non life threatening disease I have that caused all the infertility issues, weight issues, etc also causes poor milk production. AHA! We have a reason! It's not my fault, well at least not in a way I can control. So, I go bonkers researching what supplements I can take, what I can do to make it work. In the hospital, I start taking herbal supplements. I spend hours with the lactation consultant. When we get home, we are already supplementing with formula. He dehydrated in the hospital and they insisted. Go figure :) But, that's okay, because he's nursing good and taking very little formula. Then, he starts to grow. I can't keep up. Every nursing book out there tell you that your body will keep up, but mine didn't get the memo. So, after having two kids, raised on formula, who are incredibly healthy, bright, and wonderful, what do you think I did? Well, you're wrong. I didn't give up, not yet.

For some reason, I am bound and determined to torment myself one more time. I am taking the most random and expensive combination of pills and supplements. I just took 18 pills before I sat down to write this. Is it working? Nope. But, I figure every little bit of breastmilk he gets is good, so I'll keep plugging along. We have a system now, Matt and I. I nurse him first, then I give him his bottle. He stares at me the whole time, so sweet and trusting. He doesn't care where the food comes from, he just feels loved and safe that it keeps coming.

The last few days, I have really questioned my motives. I don't buy into the whole formula conspiracy. I do believe that breastmilk is the perfect food for babies, but I don't think that formula is bad. My other kids thrived on it. But, I find myself watching the faces of others when I give Matt a bottle. Are they judging me, assuming I'm too selfish or ignorant to breastfeed? What do other mothers think of me? I feel the need to tell people the whole story, which is extreme oversharing, but I just want them to know that I'm trying to be "perfect", it just isn't working.

The funny thing is, I don't think twice when I see a mother giving a baby a bottle. Statistics show that a majority of mothers wind up switching to formula. I don't judge any mother as long as they are keeping their child safe. So why do I assume they are judging me? Why do I feel the need to be "perfect"?

It's not just breastfeeding. I spend every day making sure my kids look great, attempt to get them to act great. I make sure the house is near spotless every night before I go to bed, even if it means sacrificing sleep I dearly need. I volunteer in excess, I will go out of my way to make sure my family is happy, no matter what the need. The only thing I don't focus on making perfect is my appearance, which could use some work! All in all, I am an extremely happy person. I adore my husband, I love my children, my home, my job, my church, everything.

Anyway, there is no conclusion to this story, just a brain dump, I guess. Take care, dear readers, I'll be back with something lighter and fluffier soon!